Foreclosure, money, and fear...

Hmm not sure how to even start this post other than it is more a blog about me and what is going on in my life which will in a sense still has a lot to do with this city because it is about my vision and life. So greetings from my favorite coffee shop, Plan B. I am here with my carmel latte and Turkey Royale sandwich ready to bare all to you and explain what has been going on in my life. And yes this is not just about me... the result is a higher and more profound thing than some nice story... So last March I was blessed to start renting a house in uptown Minneapolis. The house is so amazing and I would live there forever most likely but it seems that I will be moving out in August. I have a landlord that has been very hard to get ahold of and being the farm boy I am I mostly would fix the problems myself. I enjoy doing work around the house and yard so that was not that big of an issue to me. But problems with heat have arisen and furnace problems so I was unable to fix unless I wanted to spend money out of my pocket...so if you get the drift I have a slumlord. I never thought I would be a person in a predicament as such but here I am now laughing over it. We really have control over nothing in our lives- well maybe a bit but not much...So as I said the house I live in will be given back to the bank very soon and my deposit has been floating in the air... I have been so tired of dealing with the landlord, the roommates, and many other things. I have become full of fear over loosing my deposit and not being able to make it. I have trusted the Lord in many, many circumstances within this house situation whether it was over roommates not being able to pay, or roommates moving out... The Lord has always provided so why would I be freaking out about resigning a lease for 2 more months and wondering if I would not get my deposit back? I know trusting God is so hard and I believe I will never fully trust but must fully rest in His arms. Getting back to the story of this huge ordeal, my landlord had agreed to a new lease agreement with lower payment and then decided 2 days later not too, so I made up a new lease agreement only to be again turned down... he finally told me to write up a different one that secured my deposit. Well 4 days passed and he never signed it. After this process of trying to get a lease signed by him, talking to tenant lawyers, contacting the foreclosure dude that is working with the bank and landlord I became totally spent and drained. 3 weeks of this back and forth was too much for me. I mean I am not even married and am just a young man... I would pray to God and say things like, "what else are you trying to teach me through this, haven't I endured enough. I have communicated and been nice..." I was beginning to get angry with God, why was he not standing by me? Why was he allowing the enemy to taunt and take advantage of my money and time. Why wasn't Christ fighting for me and bringing justice to my situation. In these 3 weeks I could not even talk to those who cared about me. And if I did it was very surfaced because this problem was welling up in me to the point of explosion and it hurt my spirit so much. Well on Friday I was telling my girlfriend about it and the tears and anger just came out. My heart was wide open and I just stoped told her I needed time to sit and think and be with the Lord. It is in those times that your heart is open that we can see the Father. It is because the places that Christ wants to heal so bad and take our pain is that of in our hearts. So...as I sobbed away and was yelling at God in my head I heard these words, "What about my deposit Nathan." What was he telling me? I thought about that for a long time and this is what I learned and how the Lord took my anger and replaced it with an attitude of thankfulness and joy. I was worried that I may not get my huge deposit back and felt betrayed by my landlord and taken advantage of. He wasted my time many times. He communicated horribly to me over the several different lease agreements, he was taking my rent money and not paying his bills but spending it all on himself. He has a new Escalade... The Lord showed me that this landlord was me in regards to him... well maybe not entirely but in regards that Christ has saved me from the snares and trap of death and has redeemed my life. He has invested heavily into my healing and has essentially "deposited" much into my life. Here my heavenly Father was saying don't waste my deposit Nathan I want that back and I have plans for you that will make my deposit more than I have put down! My Father was sitting with me in this painful time saying words of love and showing me how I have not totally been living for Him. Showing me how I have been selfish in my ways and not talking to him as my landlord to me. He was showing me how many times I try to rewrite things to better suite me when in all reality it is not the right thing. He was showing me how I truly am a broken and mean hearted dude without His love and touch. I felt like crap! I felt so much pain over what was going on with my landlord and I understood that those feelings I had given my Father, my Christ, my Savior... But then after a while I got an image of being in Christ's arms and Him looking at me with joy. He was also crying. I was making him sad over how I had been acting? I repented and then it was like the Lord said, I am crying with you not because of you. Your sins are gone, I have interceded for you so the Father sees you as clean and the purest white...so when He sees you He sees me. So Nathan do not spend this deposit I have invested in you. Be wise and be true to me! Love me and praise me, do not give it away for the world...

So much more of this moment is not written but I wanted to share with you to ask how is your deposit? Are you spending it or is it growing. What areas have become unbearable and unmanageable? Also I hid for 3 weeks from all who truly loved me because I didn't want to talk about the reality of the situation...well it is in those times of hiding that the devil brings even more lies and fears... so if there is something tell a trusted friend and tell God, yell, scream, do whatever you have to get it up and out and then allow the Father to speak into the hurts and depths of your heart. The Lord truly has great plans for me, for you, and for this city. Even though many times we can not see it at all...the learning experience and the journey is worth learning about grace and peace. 5 days after writing the last lease agreement the landlord signed!

When peace like a river attendeth my soul... it is well, it is well with my soul.