Self Hatred... YOU ARE WORTH IT!

So tonight was not was I was expecting. I went to my favorite coffee shop to interview a woman of another religion, but do to weather and the common cold she was not there. I was not eager to go either, as I have not been getting much sleep because of a busy schedule. But, I was hoping maybe she would be there, even though I knew in the back of my mind she stayed in tonight. So after hesitation I went to honor my commitment and to show her respect just in case she did come to chat about her faith. Well, I got there and she wasn't there. Luckily I had brought some books to read but the Lord had other plans. I was in to be surprised and blessed by the Lord. I knew almost everyone there like usual as all the regulars were there. So I started talking to a group of my friends and to make this story shorter after saying my hello's I sat down at a table that two of my friends were sitting at. There was one girl, who I have known since for about a year and a gentleman I have known for around 7 months. I never really knew much about their life stories other then that they have been sober for some time and are being victorious over the clenches of alcohol. I sat down in the beginning of a conversation. The woman was asking the guy what his thoughts were on this guy that she had been getting to know and had had sex with once and then he made known to her that he did not want a relationship and didn't want her to fall head over heels for him. They asked my opinion and I told her how sorry I was for the way he had, in a sense manipulated her. Then I told her, that it sounded to me that this guy had alot of issues and hurt that he ruled and dampened by taking control of situations to feel better. In the situation of sleeping with her and now in wanting her to NOT FALL FOR HIM. I told her that maybe he really just wants to have a woman pursue him and tell him that he is a good guy, since he already had written in a note how he was not worth it and would only hurt them in the end. The word brokenness came to my mind. I told her that if I was in her place I would try to cut off communication with him because I think he has a lot of things he needs to get straightened out in his life... This may be hard to follow but I write this to testify that the LORD is pursuing this city and capturing our hearts!

She told me that she kind of likes guys that don't have it together and have emotional and connecting problems. I asked her if that was because of her past and if she thought she did not deserve better. She agreed and soon we were talking about self-hatred. I told her that as a Christian I believed that a sin was a sin. That God sees all sins as equal, that cheating and gossiping is just as bad as having sex or doing drugs. I went on to explain how we as humans cap some sins as worse, like how sex affects our very body as gossiping doesn't but in God's eyes He, a righteous and true God, sees all sin as sin. There is no sin to great or to small. I then shared a bit of my story and how shame of my past failures and such had hurt my so bad I didn't think I was worth it. But even though our past has affected us it does not have to affect our future. The past in gone and that we can start fresh. I told her that her she was worth it. That Christ created her as a good gift. She was not quite convinced. I said it doesn't matter if you believe me or not, but you will- its a long and hard process. Self-hatred brings you to your core but you will one day see your self as lovely and worth it. She was telling me how she really liked this guy even though he did not have the best motives. I linked the rules of AA in the conversation as she is in AA. I told her that she should write a list of triggers that set her to believe or fall for this type of manipulative men or how she deems herself for second best. I told her that when you on are a high and doing well in AA you will tell trusted friends your triggers of going to the bar so they can help keep you accountable and such. I said write the list when your on that high level so when your low you can read it and be reminded that you are worth it. She told us that she really wasn't worth it. I told her to think of a person in her life that she thought was worth it and write out why they are and say those things as if it was about her. Then I said even though you don't believe it for yourself the more you say these truths the easier it will to have victory and the sooner you will realize you are worth it! We talked for an hour and a half and I was so grateful to share bits of my story and things that I have had to work through. She is worth it, God does not make a person that is not worth it. I am no more special in God's eyes as someone who cannot walk or someone that has a sever handicap. We all have a purpose. Our identity goes to the very core of who we are! We all have wounds and hurt cause by the world, our family, friends, and our choices, BUT there is always hope of restoration in Christ. What I am so thankful about tonight is how God leads us to places for His glory and in His timing. This woman is a beautiful woman that needed to be reminded that she is good down to her core, that the past doesn't define her. That though she may feel she is ugly and cannot get any better is a lie that is hindering her from living in peace and total joy! The Lion is on the move in this city and will not relent! I gave her a hug and said good night and told her not to worry about what to do next that it would work out. She was thankful for our talk and told us she had was never told some of this stuff before. She is an intelligent woman that knows what to do and how to do it. She overcame her addiction to alcohol she can overcome this too! But we all need to have communities of friends that will speak out the truth when we cannot see it for ourselves. We all have problems and healing and sharping comes in community. If you are holding on to something in your past let it go. YEAH it will be hard, but grasp the beauty of the process and experience freedom to live life to the full. Christ died for our sins and desires to take your sins and your failures and give you a renewed life. Know this, YOU ARE WORTH IT. Educate yourself on what triggers you to suffice for second best and remind yourself of who God says you are at your core and conquer the lies with the blood of Christ. LET FREEDOM REIGN IN THIS CITY LORD! SHINE FORTH YOUR LOVE ON THIS PEOPLE!

May we encourage and affirm each other in who we are. Because the truth is, life is hard and we forget that we are worth it.

I am overjoyed by how the Lord is working in His people. He is calling us all home and revealing to us that we are wonderful and a good gift. What a great reminder that we all tend to forget DAILY. I love these people- I love this city. I have my plans, but God has even bigger plans, I am blessed that I get to just go along for the ride.

So I am so glad I went to the coffee house tonight, even though I am so tired, I saw the Lord touch our hearts to the core of who we are! We have such an amazing Father.

Rushed, Busy, Tired, Broke...BUT Ready, Willing, Content, and Rich

I love my city! I really do! I can not say there is many reasons not to like the neighborhood or people that I live by. I am constantly reminded of God's power and love for His people when I am surrounded by others that are seeking "better" things. To clarify- I see and talk to many people that are so busy they just want to feel peace and have rest. I talk to many others that have huge issues in their lives that they are battling and desiring to see change come quickly. Okay so before I get on my high horse about the love I have for these people I will share just a couple stories that have happened over the last month.

I continue to go to this coffee shop that is filled with diversity in every area you can think of: culture, social, ethnicity, political... and I go there and can talk to everyone. I usually now everyone at every table. One table is full of the AA people that are doing so great in their sobriety. These young individuals know there is a higher calling to their lives and are continuing to seek that out! I was talking to this couple that is gay and the women are so social and open about their lives with me it blows me away. The one woman is having problems with her ex husband. She is having difficulty with the day care situation with her two children. She is a full time student and is trying to make ends meet. I was overcome with love for these women while I was listening to them talk. I have to talked to them numerous of times but something clicked tonight. I could help babysit when I had time off! So maybe some people would think I shouldn't either because of political stances or because I am just a casual friend of the coffee shop, BUT the Lord desires to share His PERFECT love to these people and I desire to a vessel of His love and redemption. I pray that I will have time to help her out some time soon. I write this not to toot my horn- because, frankly, I can not boast at all- my heart is not pure and doesn't see the needs of people, no it is by the Lord's loving grace that He grants me to see and pursue the needs of the people in this city.

Building relationships with people of all sorts is a good way to show the unrelenting love and relationship that Christ desires to have with His creation. Okay well I will stop preaching it...that is not my intent to write a sermon, maybe just to release ideas for you in your city and the places the Lord has put you in.

The other day I was driving home from work and I saw a homeless lady. The strange thing about this situation was the homeless women was not on a street were you would normally see a homeless person asking for food or something. No this was in the suburbs on a less busy street. I looked for my bags of chips and drinks I usually have stalked in my trunk but realized I had ran out, so I shrugged and continued on my way. I had to get going to a meeting and had to grab dinner quick but I did a U turn and rolled my window done. I asked her if she was hungry and wanted some McDonalds. She was so excited and ran over to the McDonalds before I could even make it over. There in the building I talked to her about her life as she ate her chicken nuggets. She is a single mother of two and was in the area because of two job interviews. She showed me a picture of her tow children- I wrote their names down some place but can't find them for this post. I left McDonalds more stuffed then if I would have ate! The Lord desires to bless us in serving others. It always amazes me how when we serve we are the ones who recieves the most blessing.

-Just a tid bit of info- with winter coming soon, it is a great idea if you desire to help the homeless to buy some gloves and some non perishables and put them in your car to give to those on the corners with signs. It truly makes their week! I know I have talked to them and they truly are blessed. You may think they get alot especially during the rushes of lunch hours or leaving work hours but the reality is they normally don't. Ten dollars can go a far way.... just think 3 mochas could end up buying couple pairs of gloves, a stocking hat, pringles, and some sanitize lotion.

Hope you are encouraged today of how the Lord keeps pursuing His city. Be blessed and may you know that Christ is seeking to bring you joy and contentment to your struggles. Invite Him into your everyday issues-even those you don't think are that big of a deal and be ready to be blown away as you rest in His loving and faithful arms!